When my oldest son was born, I was determined to be the perfect mother.  I went to classes on mothering, I read everything I could get my hands on about child development and parenting.  I asked every mom that would give me the time of day, questions about how to raise a child in a sin sick and confusing world.  I was going to be perfect!

Going to be….

I have learned a lot this year about agency, about giving my Heavenly Father complete control and surrendering my own.  It’s been a real struggle to say the least.

I have several children who suffer with depression, I have one diagnosed with ODD (oppositional defiance disorder), I have some who are perfectionists and some who struggle academically.  They all struggle,so in my mind, the perfect mom that I was going to be, yeah….forget it!

Sad, shaken, and overwhelmed seem an understatement to the way that I have allowed myself to feel the last little while as I try to navigate the shifting role of my motherhood.  I have gone from control freak to coach.

Realizing that I can not control the choices of my older children has been challenging.  But..if I offer love and kindness when I feel like screaming my guts out because a teenager has stayed out too late for the umpteenth time and I am exhausted, I have been richly rewarded. “I’m so glad you are home, I was worried about you!” goes a lot farther than, “Where the heck have you been!!!”

Sister Jones spoke recently in the women’s session of General Conference.  The day before she had spoken, she  not only buried her son, but had spoken at his funeral. When I found that out,  I was stunned!  She had such grace and poise, such a spirit about her.  In that very moment I realized that my Father in Heaven was telling me that although I was sad and disappointed, there was no reason for it. 

Don’t get me wrong, I think we need to allow ourselves to feel sad when we need to feel sad, but I had been wallowing in it for quite some time.  If Sister Jones can stand and bear testimony to the divinity of Heavenly Father and the reality of the Savior Jesus Christ, without even disclosing the obvious suffering that she must have been going through, then surely I could put this burden aside.  I had no need to be sad anymore about the choices of my children that were paralyzing to me.   Heavenly Father knows my children better than I do!  Give it up, and let the Lord work it out.  I can give the training as a mother, God can work on the heart.  

Heavenly Father can see the end from the beginning.  I can’t!  He loves my children and knows the path that will give them the greatest peace and happiness!

The visiting teaching message this month was written for me.  I especially love the part from President Eyring, “I have prayed with faith that someone I loved would seek and feel the power of the Atonement.  I have prayed with faith that human angels would come to their aid, and they came. God has devised means to save each of His children.”  

I am SO very thankful for the human angels that have come into the lives of my children.  I too have prayed for them and they have come.  

Recently the son that I have been biting my nails over, came to me and mentioned an earthly angel that spent some time talking to him after basketball practice.  Talk about an answer to prayer!  Thank you dear Kevin, whoever you are!  Thank you for being an example, for being the earthly angel that has reached out to a mother heart however imperfect the mother herself might be.  

God’s got this, and Moms, with His help, so do we!